I had it all wrong

I just got a little perspective yesterday. This entire time I've been thinking that things have been really rough. Well it's hasn't been. At least not as bad as it could be. I was reading a woman's comment about the real hardships of life. She grew up in the military and then married into the military. This woman knows what she's doing. She had a lot of wisdom and advice to give. I wish she'd write a book. She doesn't think having a baby alone in the military is something we should get upset about. Instead, it's times when the wife has cancer and her husband is called away. He doesn't know if she is going to be alive when he comes home. Or when her own father was KIA the day before she graduated high school. According to her, these are the real tragedies of life. She's right. However, it doesn't make missing the birth of your child any easier. She wasn't dismissing it but rather offering a little perspective. That kind of stuff helps me realize my own problems aren't as horrible as I think.

This whole time I've been thinking that we've been having it rough. Really, the only problem is my attitude. I don't like change I haven't been prepared for. I like a good adventure as long as I'm prepared for it. I was all about moving across the country but I was not okay with the unknown that greeted us. If we had jobs and housing set up, I'd be fine. I have no problems making friends, so that's not an issue. The issue was my attitude. I hated where we were living, where I was working (and thankfully no longer working), and I missed my family. 

The thing about it is, I love the town we live by. It is so refreshing and new. Washington is a very progressive state and I love it. I'm not much of a hippy and never will be, but I enjoy how conscientious everyone is here.

I read another blog about a woman who's husband came back from deployment a different man. He suffered a head injury and has never been the same. She has to completely take care of his every need.  He has TBI and PTSD. I can't imagine how drastically her life has changed. Yet she is embracing it and working through that. That's not an easy life and I really admire her.

Perhaps I needed to throw my fit and then be slapped in the face with other's reality. Hopefully next time I wont be such an idiot about myself. Think about it, why is it we feel like our lives are so rough?

Last month I decided that I should start volunteering in the community.  Let's be honest with each other, if you're looking for work, you're not going to get it. Times are tough. You have to stand out from the rest. In the meantime, you have to fill your time so you don't get bored. Well, I decided I'd work with my local Senior Center. I like older people. They're entertaining. Besides, they have the most scandalous dating scene. I love it.

Prior to volunteering, I was reading in my devotionals about not over committing or being taken advantage of. Well, I thought that was a good word of advice before selling my soul for free. I started working with this lady. She is really nice but a bit of a scatterbrain. She was a proud pack rat; which is one thing that makes me start twitching. She asked me when I was available and I told her I wasn't working so I had a free schedule. She asked if I had kids, and I said, nope. Big mistake.

She over scheduled me. I don't have a problem coming in, but I do have a problem if I'm driving 30 minutes into town just to sit in an office with nothing to do. After weeks of this, I realized this was a waste of my time. She did have need for me, but she was so scatterbrained that no one could make sense of it. She asked me to come in for a long day so I could attend a meeting. Then she went to the meeting without me. Meanwhile, I'm wondering if I had bad breath or she didn't like how I was dressed. I asked her about it and she said, "Oh yeah, I forgot about you. I'm sorry. I do want you to attend another meeting. I feel it's really important for you to learn everything....." blah blah blah.

After she came back from a long trip to Europe, I was finally able to talk to her. I tried to tell her that I won't be able to come in again but she interrupted me. She said that one lady quit and there might be an opening at the Center. She wasn't sure about it, but she was pretty sure they'd need someone. She also said that she needed an assistant and I would naturally fall into that position. Well, I bit my tongue and said, "I'd be very interested in that. Let me know more when you find out if they open the position."

Well, I didn't hear more about it from her. Its sad to say, but I didn't trust her. I think she knows how to hook people in. Finally, I told her that I needed to concentrate my efforts on getting work. I loved working at the Center, but I couldn't say no to her. I wanted to help but she was driving me insane. When I told her I couldn't come in, she emailed me and asked if I had considered taking the position or not. I didn't even know it was open or offered. I tried to get a hold of her to no avail.

Then God stepped in. The following morning someone hacked into my email, probably God himself. And sent everyone I had every corresponded with a Viagra link, including one to the Senior Center. Well, great. As if that's not totally inappropriate. I sent a chaser email, telling people not to open the link. Yeah, well, it didn't help things. I was finally able to get a hold of they lady at the Center and she very politely told me the job was unavailable. Keep in mind, the day I was calling was the last day to put in for it. But for Viagra girl, it was too late. Damage done.

If sending an email about Viagra doesn't get you a job, I don't know what else will?

I suppose its a good thing. I would've taken the position and hated it. Her disorganization makes me shake involuntarily. I really hate it when people make promises and then totally forget it. She did that a lot. This was one of those times when I would've made the wrong decision. In order to protect me and my sanity, God had to step in and use Viagra for me. I'm grateful.

A girlfriend of mine told me the other day that one thing she loved about me was how devoted I am to my husband. She said it reminded her of when she was first married. How she was so in love with her husband. She thought I was so dedicated to him because we were newlywed. I really don’t consider us newlyweds, but then again, it’s not like we’ve been married for decades either.


It really got me to thinking, how did I get this fiercely devoted? She’s right though. I’m sold out to my husband. I believe it’s because of the way we started dating and how we got married. It was because of the military and the emotions I experienced with him preparing to deploy, then deploying and then the return. I’m not the only one like this. There are so many other men and women out there fiercely devoted to their spouse as a means of survival.

I met my husband through one of my best guy friends, Jonathan. He’s a Marine, too. Jonathan is about one of the most hilarious people I know; always the jokester. He’s one of those guys who can keep people at a distance with his jokes. Everyone loves him, but he doesn’t let everyone in. A couple summers back, Jonathan told me that he was going to Ocean City, Maryland with a bunch of friends from back home. He said that the girls were going to be all over him. I rolled my eyes at his cockiness.

Unbeknown to him, he would meet Aubrey that week. A girl like he’s never known before. She was a princess and he wanted nothing more than to spoil her. From the moment he first spoke about her you could see how intrigued he was with her. He came back from the trip and all he ever talked about was Aubrey. He was on the phone ALL the time with her. He used to make fun of guys on the phones with their girls. Now he was that guy. He kept telling me about her, like how she’d never drank from the faucet or had Kentucky Fried Chicken. He was amazed with her. She was as girly as they come. She was very intelligent. She was as passionate about football as he was. Somehow, this girl slipped past all his barriers and taken hold of his heart.

Needless to say they fell head over heels in love. She hated me at first because I was such good friends with him. I don’t blame her for feeling that way. If I was in a long distant relationship and my boyfriend spent his weekends at another girls’ house, I’d be freaking out, too. I tried to reach out to her and let her know I wasn’t a threat. We’ve become really good friends since then. Five months after they met, he proposed to her while watching “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Three months later, they had a traditional courthouse wedding, promising a life of love and commitment forever. Of course, because it was Jonathan’s wedding there were a few jokes thrown in there. A few weeks later, Jonathan deployed to Iraq.

Aubrey went into survival mode. She lived for his phone calls. Jonathan would wait in line for at least an hour to talk to her. Then when his time was up, he’d get back in line and do it all over again. Aubrey learned the Marine Corps life and adapted to her new environment with pride. She got to know other Marine wives and was involved in the family readiness program. She always kept herself above reproach; an example for other wives and girlfriends trying to make it through deployment.

Jonathan came home seven months later. It was the most joyous reunion. Their love was very much alive and fresh. I swear they held each other kissing and crying forever. It was so sweet. Jonathan and Aubrey have a special kind of love. They’re fiercely devoted to each other and their marriage. Nothing else comes before that, unless of course it’s God. They spent the next 14 months taking advantage of the time they had together. Spoiling each other in this time they were given. They desperately wanted kids of their own. They’d take every chance to babysit other people’s kids just to prepare themselves as parents. They must’ve done a stellar job, because they’re pregnant with twins: a boy and a girl.

The pregnancy hasn’t been easy but Aubrey is such a strong woman. She can handle anything. Jonathan deployed mid pregnancy and is still overseas. Aubrey has yet to deliver these future hellions. I can’t imagine being pregnant with my husband gone. I really admire her strength. I love Aubrey. She’s such an amazing woman and wife. Jonathan is such a great husband to her as well. He is always kind and considerate to her. He’s always thinking about her and her needs. When you met them you are immediately struck by the respect they have for one another.

Aubrey is doing her best to take care of herself while he is away. Again, with experience under her belt, she is embracing this second deployment. She hasn’t heard from him much on this deployment. However, he did finally call her…

He is being awarded the Purple Heart metal.

Don’t worry; he’s okay. It’s just a head wound. I love how he called her and said that he tripped and fell. He didn’t tell her that he ran over an IED and has a head injury. He called her back two days later to tell her that he was going to be awarded the Purple Heart. That’s when he told her what really happened. Aubrey said he was joking around and teasing her on the phone. Not even an IED could steal his love for this woman. But really my favorite part (if you can have a favorite part to this kind of story) is that the head injury came with strep throat. So, his body decided that since he almost got blown up, he should also have strep throat on the side as well. That makes perfect sense.

Aubrey has been preparing herself for this for a while now. So when the news came, she took it like the champ she is. I am so proud of her and Jonathan, and their little warrior babies, too. I am so grateful that he is okay and that he is still himself.

These kinds of situations make you fiercely devoted to each other. God put these two together to hold each other up and bring happiness to their lives.

We called a German Shepherd breeder and were told she had one more pup left, Blue Boy. She let us pick him up at seven weeks old, just in time for our Anniversary. That’s unusual for a breeder to do because they usually like to hold onto them until they’re at least eight weeks old. I think she made an exception because of our anniversary date. Well, I was ecstatic! We drove for hours and hours just to get him. I don’t remember how many hours it took to get there. I do know it took us 12 hours driving back home because we made so many stops for the furry little monster.

Oh my, he was so cute when we picked him up. And boy, did he have a LOT to say. The breeder said he was the most vocal pup in the whole litter. We signed the papers and took him home. On the way back, my stunning husband got pulled over. As soon as the cop saw our little German Shepherd we knew we were out of a ticket. The cop asked him about being in the military and told us to take care of the puppy. Awesome. No ticket.

That little boy kept us on our toes: crying all the time, whining about this and that, and peeing everywhere and at all the time. Oh, and don’t forget, he also likes to talk to us in the middle of the night. He has a lot to say. He’s like my husband: always has a conversation waiting for you. He cried a lot, too. At first, I thought I was hurting him because he would start crying at the littlest thing. That little bugger had figured out that he gets loving attention from me if he cries. He’s barely three months old and he’s already manipulating us for attention. Hmm, I’m pretty sure if I got a human baby that wouldn’t start until at least two years.

My favorite memory of him was when he first arrived at the house he ran around the room and suddenly found himself in the kitchen-ALONE. Looking over the counter I saw him look all around for us only to find he was alone. He looked so scared; sat down in the middle of the room and started crying. It was the end of the world as he knew it. It was so adorable. I laughed and picked him up. I told him it was okay, we were there the whole time. I think that’s when he learned I would come running if he cried. The little scoundrel. He totally has me wrapped around his finger.

Getting a dog was the best thing we could’ve done for ourselves. We needed a comic relief and something to pour ourselves into. He has been a challenge at times but so worth it. What was I thinking about wanting a human baby? I have a four legged baby boy who entertains me to pieces. Granted he chews on furniture, shoes, door frames and people, but I am a proud momma.

What a unique town I live in. I've come to love my new home. Scratch that, my new town. My home? Now that is one thing I've come to hate. You should never hate your home. Your home is supposed to be your refuge; the one safe place for you to go. Well, I should've had an inspector go through the house before we signed the lease.


You see, when my husband left the military, we shipped all our worldly possessions off to a storage facility in Washington. We left behind our freshly painted townhouse. The one that was just remolded; it was really nice. We took what we needed and set off in search of a new life. We had no plan. I wanted one, but I wasn't given that. It took several long weeks for us to finally have a plan in motion. They were some dark times, followed by even darker times.

So there we were, sleeping on our friend's apartment floor, trying not to let discouragement weigh us down. We drove up and down Western Washington. Trying to find a when you don't have a job is tricky. No one wants to lease you a place if you're not working. On the flip side, we didn't know what our income would be to know what we could afford. We also didn't know which city or town we'd find work in. We looked everywhere. We didn't know the neighborhoods to know if they were a good place to live. We went totally blind to this.

We also felt horrible about staying with our friend for so long but we had no where else to go. We started off trying to leave early and get back at night. But as time passed, I got discouraged and didn't want to go out again. I wanted to relax for once and not be so wound up. I wanted some sort of security. It was so bad that our friend's roommate moved out. He hated that we were there. Now our friend assured us that it wasn't our fault and he didn't care. I was touched by his kindness but I felt AWFUL about it.

Finding a job was really discouraging. I had always been proud of my career back in Maryland. I loved it and was proud of myself for the independent woman I had become. Suddenly, I'm across the country and no one gives a rip about me. I sent my resume everywhere but no one responded. That's blow to one's ego. After weeks for rejection, I found work! I was offered a job one morning and by that afternoon we had a place to live. Finally! Little did I know that job would only last a day but it was all we needed to secure a home. Funny how things work out. Come to find out, this town is just now being hit by the recession. So of course no was hiring.

We drove out to the house and I was so excited. It wasn't until we started unpacking our house that we realized what we had done. We had just moved into a house that looked like I built it. Well, crap. It was really frustrating at first. Now, its rather funny to us. We can't understand how our landlord built this house and got away with it. He asked me if I wanted him to build me a green house. I said, "Sure! I need to learn to garden." I was thrilled when I found out I was getting my own green house. It wasn't until we moved in that we realized where he was putting the greenhouse. He built it up against the back door on the deck. It's so awkwardly placed.

I think I will laugh about this house for the rest of my life. As I'm writing this I can't help but giggle. When the wind blew outside, you could feel the breeze inside. The windows didn't fit in the frame and shook when the wind blew. We had to put Qtips in the window to keep it from shaking! Yuk! He put two panes of glass in the door but didn't bother to clean the inside portion. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get those darn windows clean. The shelves in the kitchen are held together by three, not four, but three prongs. We have to be careful how we place items on the shelf so it doesn't fall over. The woodstove leaked smoked into the house so there was ALWAYS dust and soot everywhere. The trim was falling off the ceiling. There were cracks in places where should never be a crack. Heck, there is even quarter stuffed between the wall and the floor!?! What is that all about? Half the other stuff, I don't even know how to explain because it doesn't make sense to the naked eye.

Even my dog is confused. He can't tell the difference between the scrap wood outside and the door frame. He gathers all his prized sticks, scrap wood and toys and place it on the porch. Then he'll lay down and chew on all of it. Sometimes he'll go for the wrong thing and start chewing on the door frame. I can't really blame him. There's not much difference between the two.

We didn't trust the floor board heater. One time, my landlord Greg, asked my husband if he had a screw. He said he didn't. Greg said, "Don't worry about it. I'll just grab one from the heating unit and put it in the fire alarm." My husband proceeded to watch him take apart the furnace and removed a screw. First off, why did he need a screw for the fire alarm already installed on the wall? Secondly, why would he take a screw that was already being used? We've come to learn that answering these questions is a waste of time. No one will ever understand Greg. What Greg said that day fully explains how this house was built. We've also learned that the fire alarm in worthless anyway. That's really comforting.

It truly is amazing how your environment can effect you. I felt like I could never keep it clean enough. It always felt dirty. There were big spiders hanging out just outside my door. They have beautiful Bambo growing next to the house with lovely spiders looking in the windows. I was so afraid they'd attack me in the middle of the night. Don't worry. They didn't but I did feel them staring at me. Creepy.

We also didn't have heat for a month. Greg told us we would only need a chord and a half to make it through the winter. Well, he was wrong. Being the frugal people we are, we decided after our second chord of wood to not get another chord. The weather was changing and it wasn't so cold anymore. If we bought another chord of wood it would be a waste if we didn't use it all. Also, I had just purchased snow pants. So we waited out the cold. Well, it didn't get much warmer. A month later I was telling my friends how frustrated I was with not having heat. When I get cold I don't have much motivation. My friend was so nice she said that we could use her large space heater. It was AMAZING! The house doesn't get toasty but it warms it enough to get rid of the cold edge. Also, amazingly enough, I have adapted to cold weather. It doesn't bother me as much. My neighbor was complaining of the cold one day as we stood in the rain while our puppies played. I didn't even notice. Anyone who knows me, knows that is a miracle. I was born freezing. Not anymore!

Not too long ago, I was reading in my daily devotional a story about woman who had lived in this dinky old apartment. She never let it bother her or stop her from having friends over. She made it her own. I set out to do just that. I decorated the house one evening with all my favorite decorations. Before then, I didn't want to waste my time on this house. I'm so glad I did anyway. It lifted my spirits and helped me like the house a lot better. We started laughing about all its shortcomings instead of complaining about it. I have yet to have people come over; one step at a time.

It also helped knowing that my situtation wasn't as bad as others. My neighbor had a leaking roof for four months before my landlord hired someone to fix it. Keep in mind that I live in a state where it rains almost everyday. She said there was black mold growing in the closet. It was only then that the landlord did something. He didn't do anything about the black mold but the roof was repaired. I'm sure he'll get to the mold in a couple of months.

I've come to realize that its not all that bad. It's how you handle the situations that determines the outcome. We changed out attitude and focused our attention on other things. We still live in this house waiting patiently for the day when we can move out but until then, we'll be content with what we have.